A Legacy of Love

One of the tongue in cheek comments I sometimes make about the need for estate planning is that families always get along. Well, we all know that this isn’t always the case. A book I am currently reading examines both sides of that statement. Authors Barry M. Fish and Les Kotzer state in “Where There`s an Inheritance,” that death and inheritance unleash a vast range of emotions which embrace bitter mean-spiritededness on one end of the spectrum, and the deepest imaginable wellsprings of good will and love on the other.``

Here is one of the good ones from their book that I will share with you as the season of Christmas approaches.

Elizabeth died leaving six adult children surviving her. Her will named two of them as executors but all six children came to our office together, because their executor siblings insisted that all of them be there. They described how their mother was left a widow, shortly after the birth of the last child. Financially, life was a struggle for all of them, but they explained how Mom`s spirit allowed them to surmount the worst of times together.

With help from friends, Mom was able to get an extra job during the evenings but she taught her children to look for coupons in flyers and how to use them. She taught them how to be organized and the importance of looking out for one another. Everyone one of them remembered the times when their mother confessed that she was sorry that she could not give them everything that their schoolmates had. However, what she gave them was far more valuable than the fancy clothes worn by their friends.

The family somehow managed through the difficult years and four of the children were now successful professionals while the other two were not so fortunate and had never escaped from hard times.

What impressed the authors was the attitude of the Elizabeth`s children. The four successful ones said that all they cared about was that their less fortunate brother and sister be looked after. They instructed the lawyers to do the necessary paperwork in order to turn over the entire estate to the two siblings who needed it most. The brother and sister who had fallen on hard times had no idea this was coming. They had tears in their eyes and the lawyers didn`t know what to say. One of the other four children said it for all of them, `

`We know you would have done the same for us if the situation were reversed. Mom raised us to be there for each other and that will never change. Mom taught us the real meaning of love and the importance of family. That was her gift to all of us.

Without a doubt, Elizabeth would have been proud. What a legacy!

We Can Take nothing with Us

Suddenly, out in the hall, I heard an infant scream, followed by a quick “shhh!” presumably from its mother. The Rev heard it too.

”Now that child,”he said, “reminds me of something your sages taught. When a baby comes into the world, its hands are clenched, right? Like this?”

He made a fist.

“Why? Because a baby, not knowing any better, wants to grab everything, to say, “The whole world is mine.”

“But when an old person dies, how does he do so? With his hands open. Why? Because he has learned the lesson.”

What lesson, I asked.

He stretched open his empty hands.

“We can take nothing with us.”

This excerpt is from Have a Little Faith (Hyperion Books 2009) by Mitch Albom. You may remember this author from The Five People You Meet in Heaven and For One More Day - both bestsellers.

That little anecdote is a conversation between a rabbi and a writer he asked to do his eulogy – eight years before he died. The publisher says it is a book about a life’s purpose; about losing belief and finding it again; about the divine within us all. I commend the book for your reading.

But, it was that last line which stood out for me – “We take nothing with us.” It reminds me of the words of St. Francis whom I have quoted often before:

Remember that when you leave this earth,

you can take with you nothing that you have received –

only what you have given: a full heart enriched by honest

service, love, sacrifice and courage.

Perhaps this packs an important message for all of us. We should keep this in mind as you look at your estate plan (no matter how big or small) and reflect on the role of the Church in your lives and how much it needs your continuing support – long after you are gone. A planned gift is one way to deal with this dilemma and I encourage to consider this possibility. After all, you can’t take it with you! Please feel free to contact me for more information.

Kevin Smith is a gift planning consultant with the Anglican Church of Canada. He can be contacted at (709) 739-5667 or by email at k_smith@nf.sympatico.ca.